4 years without you

Today, 22 January 2014

marks 4 years since the passing of my beloved grandma.

We miss her dearly everyday.

- -

My grandma was special in every way. She made me smile everyday.

And she was always there for me, especially in my time of need.

She was the one I ran to, when I didn't know what to do.

And she was the one who was always there, when no one else seemed to care.

When I was down, she made me smile.

And that smile, lasted a while.

My grandma was not just my grandma, she was my best friend.

She was my heart, and the day she was gone, my world fell apart.

- -

You never said you're leaving, you never said goodbye.

You were gone before I knew it, and  only God knew why.

A million times I needed you, a million times I cried.

If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still,

In my heart you hold a place that no one could ever fill.

It broke my heart to lose you, but you didn't go alone.

For part of me went with you, the day God took you home.

- -

It seems like yesterday, I talked to you and see you smiling from across the room.

Memories of you stays and never ever fade. I can still hear your soft voice whenever I think of you. She was patient and she would drop everything and would sit down and would be genuinely interested in what I had to say. No matter how petty the matter was. She always listened and knew what to say. Same goes when I was thousand miles away, I would call her just to hear her voice and her stories. We miss you every day, especially on special occasions like my wedding and the day I gave birth to my baby boy. 

Before her death, I always thought about how it would be to lose a beloved one.

I thought it would be hard on anyone to lose a family member but they say time can heal everything. Sad but as time goes by, things are going to get better.

Clearly they are wrong.

I wish I could describe her, imagine:
beauty, kindness, sweetness, pureness, care, love, strength, wisdom.
Mixed everything together, you'll get a full picture of my grandma.

Four years now, 

without your pretty face,

without your gorgeous smile,

without telling me you want to see me succeed,

without your prayers for me,

without any phone call from you,

without your hot gossips,

without you being there for me every time I feel bad about everything,

without asking me about my partner,
without your advice,

without you telling me that you want to witness my marriage before you die,

without you asking me about how my day went,
without you waving goodbye from the window.

What keeps me going is knowing that you're in a much better place,
a place where only happiness touches your heart. Allah loves you more.

Sadness is one thing, but we should all celebrate your life for you brought so much joy to people around you. We've suffered a great loss but shared so much love that will last forever. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

You will be missed dearly.
Al-fatihah.
Amin

Blessed.. just blessed!

Yesterday was a good day + Nisfu Syaaban.

"Hari nisfu sya’aban adalah hari dimana buku catatan amalan kita selama setahun diangkat ke langit dan diganti dengan buku catatan yang baru. Catatan pertama yang akan dicatatkan dibuku yang baru akan bermula sebaik sahaja masuk waktu maghrib"

Hubs and I managed to recite Yassin together after sembahyang berjemaah.

It feels real good doing it together. Such bliss in life after marriage.

Although he doesn't know how to read jawi yet, I got him a romanized Yassin.

Told him that, it's not mainly about reading it but understanding what u're reading.

Luckily there's translation under every lines.

Yesterday was the first time we recited Yassin together but countless times of jemaah prayers.

I am trying to be a good Muslim and a good example to my muallaf husband.

People always say it is difficult for a woman to lead a husband into becoming a Muslim.

But for me, difficult doesn't mean impossible for Allah is great.

All my life, I had never been 'pious', let alone had any intention of leading another person into any religion.
I had lived my life, like a normal girl: learnt a few stuff about Islam at school and at home;
yet influenced by the Western media in general.

I don't know how but yes, I had a guy change his religion to be with me.

He used to be a free thinker but if anyone ever asked him questions about religion, his replies was
"If I could choose one religion, it would be Islam".

Since highschool, he was interested in Islam; he also skipped Moral class to attend Pendidikan Agama.
I know it sounds crazy. Whenever there's funerals, he was there to helped out.

At first before we got married, everyone kept telling me about how hard it is to lead someone into a new Religion.
I don't blame them, for I am not strong enough.

I had no idea how to start teaching him about Islam.

All I could do is pray to Allah to have mercy on me, bless my deeds and help me open up his heart into accepting Islam and to be a servant of Allah.

Alhamdulillah, up till now we have no issues about this and he is proving that he will be better in time.
I know he is trying his best. InsyaAllah.

I hope this transformation is permanent and I hope Allah will grant my wish.

Amin, ya rabbal alamin.

There shall be no compulsion in [acceptance of] the religion. The right course has become clear from the wrong. So whoever disbelieves in Taghut and believes in Allah has grasped the most trustworthy handhold with no break in it. And Allah is Hearing and Knowing.

(Full Verse of Al-Baqarah, 2:256)

Allahumma a’inni ala zikrika wa syukrika wa husni ibadatik
(Ya Allah, bantulah aku untuk mengingati, mensyukuri dan beribadah kepadaMu). Amin ya rabbal alamin.

I am planning to start Quran again before Ramadhan and hopefully I get to complete it before Syawal.
InsyaAllah. Here's how to do it.

.x.o.x.o.

He is the one..

..I love with all my heart. 

Thank you for bringing sunshine into my world.

You complete me!