Friday, October 1, 2010

How To Get Out of a Rut in a Relationship

"I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore"

Ask yourself:
Has your partner dropped this emotional nuclear bomb on you after dating for several years?

Do you ever feel like the one you love just doesn't understand you anymore and you don't know how to fix a relationship for the better?

Are you in a relationship that is stagnant - a relationship that is not going anywhere?

What do you do after the honeymoon stage of a relationship has passed?

I'm sure some of you had this problem before. Two people in love should grow together through these experiences. Many relationships start out wonderfully with excitement and joy. Then before long, many begin to wonder where the love has gone. Life is full of ups and downs. Couples fight all the time, whether you are on the verge of ending a long term relationship or it's because of a small misunderstanding. Even though it seems that the crisis appears suddenly and out of nowhere, in many cases it does not. A relationship crisis usually builds slowly over time with one person caught completely off guard, and the other claiming that they are tired of trying to be Ms/Mr Fix It without any sign of change. Thus, many are shocked when they find themselves in this situation, wondering what went wrong and what can they possibly do to save their relationship.

In relationship, there's always a point of getting tired, especially when that person is unintentionally making you feel worthless.

Stop a moment and think about it. Do you just let it fail without even trying? After a fight, some grow closer but some grow further apart. Relationships need regular maintenance, or they'll break down. If you find yourself in a relationship that is going nowhere, it is time for you to evaluate. Try to make some changes before it's too late. If you don't, nothing changes. Then you are just wasting time and hurting yourself. After it gets worst, you start thinking about leaving and not trying to mend the broken pieces.

Remember that many relationships are repairable. You have to identify the problem in order to find the solution. A relationship is a job that you can't ever retire from. Once you stop working, it stops working. A relationship rut is when as a couple, you begin to feel as if you are stuck, sort of going through the motions and not getting anywhere. These are some of the examples:
  • Doing the same thing over & over again and it not being enjoyable
  • Arguing and finding faults just for something to do
  • Having the same conversation over and over again
  • Ignoring the problem and trying to avoid talking about it
  • Having that strange sense of "relationship deja vu" - we've been here before
To find the solution, couples need to talk things out and identify the problem. Be honest and open up so that both of you know where the problem lies. It is possible that one of you may not be willing to work on solutions. Your partner may not even feel there is a problem and is comfortable with things the way they are. The problem may lie within you and not the relationship itself. Often people feel disappointed when their partner stops sharing their interest. But sometimes, it's not about sharing activities together, but resentment, emotions, breakdown in communications and feeling taken for granted.

The way to get out of the rut is by:
  • Remembering what it was that first attracted you to this person in the first place
  • Focus on each others needs and put in the necessary time and effort.
  • Make a list of all the things you like to do for fun. Then pick one that you may not have done in a very long time.
  • Use your creativity! One way to do this would be to brainstorm all the crazy, absurd, and ridiculous ideas you can think of, that you would never do.
  • Spend quality time alone doing the things you enjoy
  • Do some of the things you may have enjoyed as a child: buy a coloring book, some play dough, put on some roller skates, etc.
Ladies, whatever you plan to do, just don't act without thinking. This includes taking this dangerous steps:
  • Telling him that you’ll change to save a relationship
    (Let him do it, action speaks louder than words)
  • Saying that you love him to save a relationship
    (Do not force, it's attraction)
  • Trying to change him to save a relationship
    (Make him want to change by himself)
  • Acting out of desperation to save a relationship
    (Show him that you have high self esteem and you're confident!)

    .....The last thing you should be doing is . .
  • To make him see how much you value and appreciate him
    (Make him think hard about the value of your love)

I believe that every problem has a solution. If you think that your relationship is worth the time and effort, don't wait for your partner to change. It might take ages. Try changing the way things are. Don't let all that you have worked so hard for in the past, disappear before your eyes. Getting your relationship back to the way it needs to be will take some work and the knowledge to achieve it, is in the grasp of your hand. Here are a few suggestions:
  • Sacrifice and throw away your ego.
  • Don't give up hope, if all you feel is hopelessness.
  • Make your partner fall in love with you again and take back your relationship, the way it was intended to be.
  • Let him feel as though he is not doing anything to save the relationship and you on the other hand is doing all you can to make it happen.
  • Stop being too needy and clingy. Give him the opportunity to miss you. That way when he finally realize the changes, it will bring him closer to you.
  • Learn to survive the never ending wind of change. It can determine your longevity and love that you have for one another.
  • Patience will certainly be a virtue in this because even though you are making forward progress, it will sometimes come in baby steps.
  • Think long and hard about what you've done recently that may have caused him to pull back from you.

What if .. you could save your relationship by getting your partner to fall hopelessly in love with you, all over again?

What if .. you could save your relationship and create a long-lasting bond that would make him commit to you forever?

"One of the hardest things in life is figuring out when it is time to stop,
and when it is time to try harder"

"Waiting has its limits, so don't make people wait just because you know they will"

"Unspoken thought gets you no where. Speak it out.
Silence isn't always golden,sometimes it can be a burden"