A fairy tale has come true.

A wedding is something I dream about my whole life. In my mind, everything is perfect. I am the princess, he is the prince. I am stunning in a shimmering white gown, hair tucked behind a flowing veil. He is handsome and charming, and beams as he awaits me to join him in marriage.

And then I wake up,.. it's not a dream anymore when....

He asked my dad for my hand in marriage and after a few weeks, I am engaged. Not that he doesn't know him yet (They are best buds okay, haha) :)  He wanted to ask my dad because he knows that it means so much to me to actually ask for my father's blessing. It's also a sign of respect. The meeting was just a nice bonding moment between my dad and my husband along with my other family members later after that. I thought it was a very special thing to begin with.


Then came the engagement. A time of excitement. But more importantly, it is a time for preparation. When I say preparation, it really mean a whole lot of preparation for someone so crazy about perfection. And I don’t mean the preparations required just to make the wedding, it is also in the process of working together for the marriage. The engagement was a time for self reflection, self-refinement and honesty, so that both of us strive to become the best partner that we can be. Proposal was in late December and our merisik/engagement was in February. His parents came over to Penang to meet up with my family members. All of us had so much fun chit chatting and laughing along random stories. It was nice, nothing formal. Semua cool, takda tense.

February:
My wedding day was fast approaching. I was excited, but I was also worried, anxious and scared. Definitely glowing, though I'm not sure if it is from joy or sweat.

I remember asking myself, do I have doubts? Doubts on what our friends will think, doubts about getting overweight after marriage, doubts if his goals and aspirations in life point in a different direction than mine?

It is impossible to know at the age of 20 or 30 or 40 how I will feel in 20 or 30 or 40 more years. Therefore, when I make the commitment to be with that same person for the rest of my life, it is scary.


"It is hard to know yourself so well, let alone how you will relate to another as time goes."

People say that if you trust that you are with someone you can speak with, someone who understands you, respects you, and shares the same vision with you, then, as scary as it is, you are doing it together. And knowing that you are not alone in this life-changing move, should be comforting and reassuring, though certainly won’t take away all the fear.

It is the nikah part, the sanding session, the photographers, the band, caterers and wedding venue that makes me feel that the biggest part of marriage is the wedding itself. Somehow, that one day is made to be the focus and climax of all that is to come.

And because so many people came to celebrate with me, and these very same people have come all the way and brought presents / angpau, it seems that for their sake everything is expected to be perfect. Needless to say, perfection is a pretty huge responsibility to be placed on two people that are about to make the biggest decision and commitment of their lives. But as the magical wedding celebration draws to a close, while it is the end for the guests, it is only the beginning for the couple.

And though in our fairytale wedding story no one wants to face the reality, in truth it is a very difficult period, a pretty unsettling time filled with stress, responsibilities, and doubt. As scary as it is, I am sure that when we choose to commit  to a relationship with someone who shares the qualities, morals and direction that is important to us, then our fears turns into normal fears that come with any new step in life.


Before I prepare myself for a wedding, I took the time that I need for myself. Getting rid of old habits, negativities and emotions. Focusing more on my personal needs, learning, growth and development.  Not just taking the time for clothes fittings, make-up trials, pre-wedding stuff.

Alhamdulillah, dengan sekali lafaz we are now husband and wife. Please pray for our beautiful journey together. Amin.